Thoughts on a White Canvas: An Artist's Braintorms.

I am a woman who struggles with change. My most favoured prayer comes from a Canadian Tv show called 'The Red Green Show'.

The prayer goes:

Dear God,

I'll change- if I have too. I guess.

Below is a clip from the Red Green Show Live. The older I get the more his comedy rings as truth. It's lovely to have a laugh at the same time.

Above my raw beechwood easel, I have painted the words-

' I am rebellious until I am settled.'

When I sit down to paint, I am much like the antsy child I was while growing up, like a dog that must chase its tail three times before it can take lye down in its cushions to take a nap. Or a cat that feels compelled to wap at a skein of yarn. I must do the same.

You see, the thing is- It's all too stimulating. It is too exciting. I am the archaic version of the word overwhelmed—an overturned vessel submerged in a watery raging white foam sea storm.

Click the image below to your copy of this classic novel

Like a beluga whale named Moby Dick with a bad attitude, I come to the canvas. With a quick rage, I burst forth from the ocean of my chroma pallet and jump onto the canvas. I am smashing my prey into a froth of foamy paint colours, destroying the white canvas with the debris of shape. Only to swim away moments later- hunting my next mark like a shark circling at the scent of blood in the sea.

Like a catfight, I make a lot of noise about the fact that I will get you! Then when I make my move- it is short, violent, aggressive paint strokes. I bat at the canvas as if the canvass was another cat trying to bite me back.

Only to step back and yell at the canvas for another five to fifteen while I get my next cuppa' tea. Swearing 'I'll be back!' in an Arnold Schwarzenegger voice over and over again.

It seems I must forget about five to seven things before I am really in the studio. I get up. I get an item I forgot. Repeat. Repeat. Some habits are poor for productivity. I have yet to shake this one intentionally.

This rebellious unsettled spirit is because I have already made the marks in my head. The fact I have made the marks makes me impatient to get the moves on the canvass. This impatience is because I have ADHD Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder.